From the creator of the hit webcomic My Life As a Background Slytherin comes a hilarious graphic novel pastiche of classic Romantic literature led by a trio of queer misfits—and several angry vampires.
Set in early nineteenth-century Britain, Bloodlust & Bonnets follows Lucy, an unworldly debutante who desires a life of passion and intrigue—qualities which earn her the attention of Lady Violet Travesty, the leader of a local vampire cult. But before Lucy can embark on her new life of vampiric debauchery, she finds herself unexpectedly thrown together with the flamboyant poet Lord Byron (“from books!”) and a mysterious bounty-hunter named Sham. The unlikely trio lie, flirt, fight, and manipulate each other as they make their way across Britain, disrupting society balls, slaying vampires, and making every effort not to betray their feelings to each other as their personal and romantic lives become increasingly entangled.
HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.HelenEllishasamantra:"Ifyoudon'thavesomethingnicetosay,saysomethingnot-so-niceinaniceway."Say"weathered"insteadof"shelookslikeacakeleftoutintherain."Say"early-developed"insteadof"bracefaceandBcups."AndfortheloveofCokeSalad,alwayssay"Sorryyousawsomethingthatoffendedyou"insteadof"Getthatstickoutofyourbutt,MissPrissyPants."Inthesetwenty-threeraucousessaysEllistransformsherselfintoadominatrixDonnaReedtosavehermarriage,inadvertentlystealsa$795Burberrytrenchcoat,witnessesamanfakehisowndeathataparty,avoidsanecklift,andfindsablack-tiegownthatgiveshertheconfidenceofadragqueen.WhileshemayhaveleftherhomeinAlabama,marriedaNewYorker,forgottenhowtodrive,andabandonedthepuffyheadbandsofheryouth,HelenEllisisclingingtoherSouthernaccentlikemayonnaisetowhitebread,andofferingreadersahilarious,completelysingularviewonwomanhoodforbothsidesoftheMason-Dixon.Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.
Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.
The bestselling author of American Housewife is back with a fiercely funny collection of essays on marriage and manners, thank-you notes and three-ways, ghosts, gunshots, gynecology, and the Calgon-scented, onion-dipped, monogrammed art of living as a Southern Lady.
Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.The bestselling author of American Housewife is back with a fiercely funny collection of essays on marriage and manners, thank-you notes and three-ways, ghosts, gunshots, gynecology, and the Calgon-scented, onion-dipped, monogrammed art of living as a Southern Lady.
Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.The bestselling author of American Housewife is back with a fiercely funny collection of essays on marriage and manners, thank-you notes and three-ways, ghosts, gunshots, gynecology, and the Calgon-scented, onion-dipped, monogrammed art of living as a Southern Lady.
Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.
The bestselling author of American Housewife is back with a fiercely funny collection of essays on marriage and manners, thank-you notes and three-ways, ghosts, gunshots, gynecology, and the Calgon-scented, onion-dipped, monogrammed art of living as a Southern Lady.
Helen Ellis has a mantra: "If you don't have something nice to say, say something not-so-nice in a nice way." Say "weathered" instead of "she looks like a cake left out in the rain." Say "early-developed" instead of "brace face and B cups." And for the love of Coke Salad, always say "Sorry you saw something that offended you" instead of "Get that stick out of your butt, Miss Prissy Pants." In these twenty-three raucous essays Ellis transforms herself into a dominatrix Donna Reed to save her marriage, inadvertently steals a $795 Burberry trench coat, witnesses a man fake his own death at a party, avoids a neck lift, and finds a black-tie gown that gives her the confidence of a drag queen. While she may have left her home in Alabama, married a New Yorker, forgotten how to drive, and abandoned the puffy headbands of her youth, Helen Ellis is clinging to her Southern accent like mayonnaise to white bread, and offering readers a hilarious, completely singular view on womanhood for both sides of the Mason-Dixon.
One of the most successful and beloved of Victorian fairy tales, George Macdonald’s The Princess and the Goblin tells the story of young Princess Irene and her friend Curdie, who must outwit the threatening goblins who live in caves beneath her mountain home. Macdonald’s pioneering use of fanstasy as a literary medium had a great influence on Lewis Carroll, J. R. R. Tolkien, and Madeleine L’Engle, all great admirers of his work, which has remained popular to this day. "I write, not for children," he wrote, "but for the child-like, whether they be of five, or fifty, or seventy-five."This edition includes illustrations by Arthur Hughes.
